My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize