His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
