my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize