??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
