she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
