Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
