The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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