I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
