I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
