drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's the barista slut.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
