"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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