saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
