i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
