Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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