i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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