I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
