i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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