they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
