I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize