Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize