we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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