I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
