He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think your dad took our porno
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
