I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
