we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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