I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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