why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
