White coat. Heels.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
