Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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