There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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