I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
