WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had to coat check the pizza.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
