paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
