He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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