I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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