Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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