My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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