This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
