Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
