i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The ass gains better be worth it
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