it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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