what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize