My friends, they love my intelligence
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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