We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
