Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
