sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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