Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
