what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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