I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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