And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
