I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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