pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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