Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
