I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
