i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
