Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
