Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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