I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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