my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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