i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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