apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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