thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
