Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
