Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
