dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
