At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
