dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
