Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
