I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
