i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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