I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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