i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
